Today, I feel a little depressed. Since no one reads this, I guess Im more or less talking to myself. But sometimes it feels good to see things typed, where maybe, just maybe, somewhere could see it. No matter how psychotic. Last night I had another horrifying nightmare. I will speak of it.
Im sitting on my bed (my bed has white cotton sheets on it) but in the dream, they were made of red silk. A tall woman walks into my room, and its one of those moments where you dont notice how dark it is until someone turns on the lights. The light she lets in is bright, so there's a shadow cascading down her body, making her face unreadable. She walks in swfitly, in a stride that seems for her only to take one step to reach my side. So here's where it gets very scary. I remember it as if I'd actually been watching it.
She takes her step. She's right in my face. She starting to screech and scream, calling me a slurr of profanitities. She calls me a slut, a coward, a whore, a liar, a cheater, a bitch. I crawl in the corner, fetal position, and rock back and forth while she points fingers in my face, her mouth opening wide to yell. Then, she puts her face so close to mine so suddenly that I fall backwards. Im always falling in my nightmares. I grab onto the soft surface of my bed for support, but they fall with me. But this is a new feeling in a nightmare for me. I feel safe, warm. Im falling backwards with a curtain of silk following me, flowing. Falling, falling, falling. Falling into a pool of thick silvery mercury. Its cool and metallic. Im swimming in the thick pool, and it goes from being cool to warm and sticky.
I wake up.
And Im not swimming in mercury anymore. Im swimming in a pool of my own blood. Blood from my period. I know, its gross to talk about. But thats what happened. It was scary for me, to see me sleeping in a pool of my own blood. But its all true. I had a bad childhood. But yeah. Thanks for listening.
Love me or Hate me, still an obsession.
